Good bye Australia!!!

We finally leave Australia and head for Asia, making quick stop offs in Indonesia and Malaysia, before heading towards the real point of interest... Hong Kong.

After a quick glance at the master schedule, I realise that two other princess ships are docking into Hong Kong the same day as us. On one of them my close friend Kat, who I first met back on the Dawn Princess. After a quick email exchange we decide to meet up and tackle the orient together.

After the initial stress of navigating through the underground shuttle system which imitates an ants nest, we finally find the much talked about ‘Ladies Market’. Ironically the market seems to attract mostly men, desperately in search of hardcore bargains. A half mile long street of market stalls selling everything from ‘authentic’ designer belts to ipads, I decide to put my Persian haggling skills to good effect!!!

A nice black leather gucci belt catches my eye. I tell Kat to stand back and let me show her how its done.

“How much?” (Pointing at belt)
“350 Hong Kong Dollar!”
“I give you 100 Dollar!”
“Good bye!” (Physically pushes me out of her stall)

Okay... Okay... Don’t worry Ryan, it’s all part of the dance.

Round 2.

“How much for 16GB USB stick?”
“400 Dollar!”
“ooohh” (Big huff and look of disgust)
“Okay, for you, 360 dollar”
“I give you 150 dollar”
“Good bye” (Man handled out again...)

By this point Kat is laughing hysterically, and I’m trying my best to save face.

Realising I hadn’t eaten since morning clinic, I decide to blame my poor start on hunger, so go off in search of some authentic oriental cuisine.

After scanning the menu of rare chinese delicacies including stir fried monkey brains, sizzling dolphin blow hole and picked deers penis, I decide to play it safe, and order the Peking Dog with side salad.

Afterwards, as I look down at my plate of bones I can’t help but think, ‘Bloody shame, the Dog would have love those...’

Unfortunately as Kat has to leave soon, I insist she gives me one more chance to show off my supreme haggling skills.

Round 3.
I go for a different tact...

“Ooh these electronic speakers would be great, they’d look so nice in my room. How much do you want for them?”
“400 Dollar”
“BOLLOCKS!!!” (Walking away...)
“NO WAIT!!!”
(I shake my head and put my hand up 2 inches away from her face)
“I give you for 250 Dollar!”
“THATS STILL BOLLOCKS!!!” (Walking away faster)
“Come back sir, come back! 220!!!”
“I give you 200. THATS IT!!!” (still walking away)
“Okay, okay”

“...AND I WANT A FREE PLASTIC BAG!!!”

Oh Yeah, I’m back baby!!!

I use the whole ‘Complement, “Bollocks”, Walk Away’ technique for the rest of the day which works to great effect.

After walking around the streets for hours on end my dogs are barking. With a couple of hours left to root around I decide to treat myself to a chinese foot massage. Through the hoards of chinese women aggressively handing out leaflets and holding up signs, I opt to talk to a little old lady sat down away from the crowd, who seems disinterested in the fierce business competition.

After negotiating a price of 68 dollars (approximately 6 pounds), she leads me back to her house. I start to think that maybe I should have gone a little more mainstream...
After sitting me down on a chair in her living room, she brings out a big bowl of warm water to soak my feet along with a pot of chinese tea before exiting back into the kitchen.

While I marinade an old man smokes a long opium pipe over the balcony, and two young children watch a crazy hentai cartoon of a burger man shooting hot dogs at a robotic panda, while a three headed super lizard turns into a fire engine?!”... What’s in this tea?!

Half an hour later, she come’s back into the room and works her magic on my feet, and it really was magic! The aches and pains slowly start to melt away, and 30 minutes later I find myself trying not to fall asleep in her living room chair.

After thanking her for her hospitality, I give the two kids a few of my spare hong kong dollars to buy themselves a squid on stick and make my way back to the ship.

Later that night the team goes up to top deck and watches the light show over a quick cocktail. A regular nightly fixture, where all the buildings and skyscrapers in Hong Kong light up in different colours, choreographed to loud techno music. It’s difficult to describe in words how incredible Hong Kong looks at night anyway. But when you’re watching so many different buildings come alive, and your eyes don’t know where to look first, you know you’ve been treated to something truly special...

After all of the day’s excitement I decide to head back down to my cabin and relax with some music, only to find my new speakers don’t work... BOLLOCKS!!!