We have now finished our tour of the French Polynesian Islands and are now heading around the East Coast of Australia starting in Sydney and heading up towards Brisbane.
Brisbane was a bit of a let down seeing our day consisted of a two hour lunch under a Gazebo during a Monsoon shower!
Seeing a few of the guys have had a quiet word in my ear about 'always' wearing my Uniform to the Officer's Mess while everyone else wears jeans and a T-shirt, I decided to go out shopping for Ozzy clothes...
The Australian Dollar is not quite how I remembered it...
$100 Jeans + £2.50 Card Charge + Half Persian Tightass = No Sale!!!
After coming back empty handed and being spotted in the Princess Cruises Merchandise Shop fingering through the polo shirts I have been warned about a possible unscheduled ‘Man Overboard Drill’ if I’m ever caught wearing one. Tough Love.
After Brisbane we headed up to Airlie Beach which was absolutely beautiful looking out from my port hole. “What do you mean I’m on call and have to work?!”
So Erin is off Sky Diving, Simon and Natasha are bronzing on the beach over cocktails, and I’m having a very long conversation with a very deaf, alzheimer-ridden patient...
Patient: “I can’t poo”
Me: “I’m afraid you’re constipated”
Patient: “What??”
Me: “YOUR CONSTIPATED!”
Patient: “Is it Serious???”
Me: .... “Err No”
Patient: “Are you Sure?”
Me: “Yes. You can’t die of Constipation”
Me: I’m going to give you a Laxative that will help you go, make sure you drink plenty of water”
Patient: “Here you go” (Passes me a bottle of water)
Me: “NO YOU! YOU DRINK THE WATER!!!”
Patient: “Ooh, will I need an operation?”
Me: (Sigh) (“You will if you don’t leave the Clinic!!!”)
When everyone returns we all decide to head out to the Captain's Welcome Aboard Extravaganza. A formal evening cavorting with the guests over a cold glass of bubbly while the Maitre’d pours a Champagne Waterfall and the Cruise Director introduces all the Senior Officers and the Captain gives a well rehearsed speech about how lovely everyone looks... Thank you Captain, I must say this outfit is rather fetching.
After a couple of drinks in the ‘Wardie’ (Not ‘Woodie' as mentioned in the first blog) I decide to head to bed for some well needed rest.
Next Morning:
Lennie (New Senior Doc): “Ryan can I get your opinion on something?”
Me: “Yeah sure what is it?”
Lennie: “I’ve got an 76 year old lady who bumped her head in the shower last night. She wasn’t knocked out and she’s had no vomiting overnight. She say’s she woke up this morning with a moderate headache but that’s it. Neurological Examination is grossly normal and she looks perfectly well. She doesn’t fit the NICE guidelines for an Urgent CT head necessarily but I’m concerned.”
“We’ve only got an hour left in Port. She’s got no insurance and she’ll miss the ship is she goes for a scan. However if we chance it and we’re wrong, we’re at sea for three days until the next port.”
Do we:
- Get her off the ship for an Urgent CT scan and finish her Cruise with no Holiday Insurance.
- Keep her onboard in the medical bay for a period of observation and arrange an Emergency Disembark if on the off chance she deteriorates.
- Phone Dr House...
Answers on the Blog Please...
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