Officer Ghodrat's Log 0.01

Day 1
After a grueling 36 hour mammoth flight to Tahiti, I found myself in Paradise but too knackered to appreciate it. Rather than crawl into bed I force myself to explore the island, which includes golden sands, turqouise oceans, gay looking cocktails, grass skirts and Fat Men with Ukuleles!!! After meeting a few new joiners from SA and Portugal for a few cheeky ones, I finally decide to hit the hay, excited about joining the ship tomorrow.

Day 2
I don't sleep a wink and I'm catatonic the next morning. The SAs help bundle me into the back of the minibus and we set off the the ship! It's Enormous!!! After a quick security check, a few signatures and luggage dump I'm quickly introduced the the Medical Team. 30 mins later we're having a beer in the officer's bar... Turns out I've got an 8 day handover from Rael the Old Baby Doc. Get in!!!

Day 3
Morning. Sooo much paperwork!!! Sooo Little Sleep!!! But hey Rael knows what to do!!!
Evening. Is the Ship just rocking or am I Shit-Faced?!

Day 4
Welcome aboard! Shortly after leaving Apia, W Samoa. Well. Whats this?! You're feeling short of breath madam? You feel like you're going to faint? What do you mean you see a light?!!?!?!
Errr Nurse can I get an ECG ... Errrrr Nurse get the pacing paddles... Quickly please!!! Errrrrrr Shit! Shit Shit Shit!!! Nurse... Doctor... Mum!!! Okay Ryan just breath... Okay Patient just breath!!!
"Hello Captain how are you? Hmm can you stop the boat please? Thank you Sir!!!

After Rael hears the pilot boat has arrived to extradite the patient back to Apia. He says "Ryan (shakes my hand), Welcome Aboard! Here's the bleep and the keys! I'll see you in 3 days when you get to Auckland. Go and get your Uniform. Schools out." AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After having a seizure in the corner of the medical bay, I decide a well earned drink is deserved with the rest of the Medical Team, Carol, Erin, Gena, Natasha and Simon. Wow what a day!!! 'Wait it's not over yet Ryan, let's go to Woody's Bar and meet some of the Crew.

"Hi, I'm Ryan and I'm new here, whats your names?"
"Hi I'm Brandi I'm one of the Dancers."
"Hi I'm Jen, I'm one of the massage therapists."
"Hi I'm Beuala, I'm one of the Beauticians."
"Hi I'm Lisa and I'm the Choreographer."

............. I have another seizure in the corner of the room.

Day 5
First Day alone in Morning Clinic. A&E trained.
First patient: "Hi Doc I's like to start the pill please"
Me: ..................... "Okay, just bear with me. CAROL!"

Second Patient: "Hello Doctor, I need a part 2 root canal organised for my dental infection."
Me: ..................... "Okay, just bear with me. CAROL!!"

Third Patient: "Good morning Doctor, I've had diarrhoea and vomiting for the last 3 hours and my 3 cabin roommates are wandering whether to stay in the bay. What should they do?"
Me: ..................... "(Sigh) Okay, just bear with me. CAROL!!!"

Fourth Patient: "Good morning Doctor, I've had a cold now for 2 days"
Me: "(YES!) OF COURSE, NO PROBLEM, NO PROBLEM. LET ME SEE NOW... AHH HERE'S SOME PARACETAMOL. HAVE A NICE DAY!!!"
Fourth Patient: "Oh Doctor, I work in the Spa and I'm not sure if it's okay to be treating passengers in case I cough and one complains. What should I do?"
Me: ......................"Ah Bollocks!.... CAROL!!!!"

Now just sorting my emails and then getting a quick coffee before it all happens again in half an hour....Wish Me Luck!!!

Officer Ghodrat